Welcome to the Land of Expectations   Leave a comment

Would that I could escape from the endless trips I take to the land of expectations.  Even if you haven’t read Norton Juster’s book The Phantom Tollbooth, and don’t know what this quote refers to, you may be able to guess what this blog post is about.

I have known for many years now that I have a tendency to have specific and high expectations of myself, others, and reality.

I have “learned” this through painful experience, over the years, and because of that I have chosen to maintain realistic expectations of events and people, so that I will not have to go through the cycle of joyous anticipation, ending in heartfelt disappointment, and repeating endlessly.

A basic example would be the expectations I had as a child of what Christmas Day would deliver.  Sure it was wonderful to feel the anticipation, see the beautiful Christmas tree lights, and get presents, but some situation always reared up to spoil the supposed/proposed expectation I had of having a beautiful, wonderful, almighty perfect day. (Like for example the reality that the day would come to an end….)

So — I’m not that 8-year-old child any more and I know better than to have ridiculous expectations!

It follows that I should not have any problems feeling disappointed when things don’t work out….the way I thought they would…wait a minute, I have basically just admitted that I still have expectations, every single day of my life.

As much as I don’t want to have them, because I don’t like feeling disappointed, I can’t seem to eliminate this variable.

I suppose at some level it is impossible to have no expectations, because the fact that I go to the grocery store with list in hand means I expect to be cooking for and feeding my family for another two weeks.

I pay the mortgage and electric bills for this month because I fully expect to be living in the house and needing its shelter for the next month.

I sit down with a new library book because I fully expect to enjoy reading it.

I call a friend because I expect to enjoy our conversation.

Maybe it’s not expectations per se that are my problem, maybe it’s just unrealistic expectations.  Hmmm.

Didn’t think I still had the problem but guess I do…..thought last school year would obviously be easier, how could it not be, as I only have two instead of three students.  Nope, didn’t pan out that way.  Thought that summer vacation would feel like a vacation all the time, but has not happened yet.  Had hoped to go on a camping trip west this year, or somewhere, but, nope, that is not going to happen.

I am an adult and can cope with changes in my personal plans or wishes. (Repeat to self as needed.)

I’m not broken up about these things, but I do find that my adjustment to my current reality is not as smooth as I would like.

 

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Posted June 20, 2014 by swanatbagend in reality

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