Little Things   Leave a comment

I thought I would get off scott-free this time, when the entire first week of school went by and I felt perfectly normal.

After all, we’ve already done this.  We’ve said goodbye to our son in the dorm lobby, prayed with him, and hauled the huge tubs back to the van for the trip back home so he doesn’t have to try to store them in his dorm.

It is different this time.  It just didn’t register as fast.

But about ten days in, I started feeling a bit raw.

Small things.  Or maybe big things.  How big is an empty bedroom?  It has clean sheets piled on the bed, that hasn’t been re-made yet.

Well, mistakenly setting the table for five. That’s relatively small.

So is thinking the van would be completely packed for the trip to the concert last Sunday with Grandma and Grandpa.  Then eventually the realization that there are not seven people in this party.

What however is the littlest painful thing?

It’s what’s missing.

There’s a little cheerful bright blue light on our router that remains on whenever wireless is working.  Zach finally asked me to stop turning it off each morning and just leave it so he could do his online class this summer. He promised me the radiation wouldn’t damage me significantly. So it was on from mid-June until he left.

Now it isn’t.

Each time I see that, right next to the fridge and the trash in the kitchen, where I am working all the time, it scrapes the wound again.

It’s tender and doesn’t like being picked back off. It flares in a burst of remembrance, concern, grief, loss, panic, all in about two seconds and then settles down again to just plain remembering.  But that’s kind of how it goes.

 

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Posted September 19, 2014 by swanatbagend in transitions

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