Relationally Apathetic?   3 comments

I’ve lived in 11 different cities or towns in 9 different states.  I have moved around a lot in 48 years, less than some people, but enough to develop sufficient social skills to make friends wherever I go.  At least so said some friends of ours from one of our old churches when the subject of how I interact came up.  I was glad to hear that was their perception of me, ’cause that is what I like to do.

I lived in one town between the years 1994 and 2006, and what I’m wondering is this.

Did our culture irretrievably change during that time period, so that making friends became ten times more difficult when I moved nine years ago, or did I just move to the most relationally apathetic place I have ever lived?

Which is it?  both/and?

I know people are busy.  I know, because I’m busy too.  My children aren’t inundated with activities but when you add together homeschooling, doing the planning for that, doctor and therapy appointments, vacations, family events, each person only has so much energy.  Then there are church commitments if you’re part of a faith community.  I appreciate that our church keeps those to a minimum, where you can wisely allocate your time to meaningful ministry, outreach, living, without getting bogged down in obligations just to keep a program running.

Busy is understandable.  We’ve all been there.

I suppose it could be true that I just need to revamp my own priorities and try harder.

Possibly, and I’m processing this one, I need to consciously decide to invest less time on the things I do on the internet, and redirect that toward contacting friends another way and spending time with people in person.

And, I am thankful for the gems we get to spend time with (many of them those very hardworking, busy women I referenced in my recent blog post “A Day with a Friend?”).  Our family has been blessed with several lovely families whose company we have really enjoyed for many of the past nine years.

I just haven’t figured out why, despite making continued efforts to develop friendships, my efforts haven’t borne the fruit I expected, nor the fruit that an equivalent amount of effort elsewhere, in the past, would have done.  It seems as if what used to work doesn’t work any more, and I find myself wondering if there’s been a new class in Friendmaking 101 that I have completely missed.

Have you had this experience?  Please share your thoughts.

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Posted October 21, 2015 by swanatbagend in community, friendship

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3 responses to “Relationally Apathetic?

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  1. I get that. The other day, NPR had a guest commenting on modern people making extensive use of cell phones and the ones with advanced computer capacities. Her theme was that we aren’t developing skills to really just talk with each other any more. We see that in people who meet on line, sort of flirt and go ahead one day and get married. Lo and behold, it doesn’t work out because each of the two people aren’t really what they were projecting themselves as. Another problem with over us of the devices is people in a group all using their devices instead of just talking with people who are actually present in that particular gathering. That, I believe is a real problem. LDJ

  2. I’ve wondered the same thing. For me, this is one of the few times I’ve lived in a non-transient community and I wondered if that was the difference for me.

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