Autism Gave Me That   3 comments

Despite my generally asking him to just look it up in the phone book, my husband still occasionally asks me for a phone number he needs.  It kind of gets on my nerves when he expects me to provide Directory Assistance.  At the same time, I smugly like being able to meet this need for him.

Same with names, places, and directions.  For the first forty years of my life, I’ve been quite good at hauling useful details out of the memory vault.

And I’m not sorry that autism gave me that.

I write and draw, especially pencil drawings.  My daughter, too, has an eye for very small details, which allows her to draw well.  I found when I was taking art in high school that my teacher was able to help me learn to draw well primarily because of his skill at walking his students through the process of making the thing appear on the paper that was in front of the artist.  But it was also because I could see the tiny details of the object in front of me.  I could see the highlight, the differences in shading on the surface of a vase, the small waves in the hair of a subject.

Autism gave me that.

I could listen to the back-and-forth of banter between friends or the argument of a couple in passing on the street or in a restaurant, and replicate that in a short story later.

Autism gave me that.

Maybe, as my son has observed, I’m not even diagnosable as autistic, although there are several in our family who are definitely on the spectrum.  No matter if I don’t get the label, I’m close enough that I have some of the gifts, along with some of the challenges.

I had the perseverative focus to not let go of a question about what had happened to me.  As my doula said, I held on to the “why” of a difficult birth like a bulldog, and I didn’t let it go until I got answers.

Autism gave me that.

I researched what had happened and was obsessed with finding a better way so I wouldn’t have to go through hell to have a baby again.  I succeeded.

Autism gave me that.

I am a loyal friend, who tends not to give up on people, and to stay in touch through the years.  I try not to abandon anyone, especially people who have been good and kind to me.  Is that such a bad thing?

Autism gave me that.

 

 

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Posted May 5, 2016 by swanatbagend in autism

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3 responses to “Autism Gave Me That

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  1. ❤ this!!!

  2. Like your post a lot – great to know you DO have positives. Love you, Mom

  3. Not NT and happy that way! Beautifully written!

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