Archive for March 2019

At the End of Your Rope   Leave a comment

You know what they say. “When you’re at the end of your rope–tie a knot and hang on.”

When I was a teenager posters were definitely in and I still have a mental image of a stock photo of an extremely cute kitten hanging on to the end of a rope.  Maybe I even had this poster in my room.

I hope not because that image really bothers me.  I know something about sliding off the end of the rope, and if you’re like me, at that moment you either don’t have the strength to tie the knot as you’re sliding downward, or knot tying is the farthest thing from your mind.

Good news: if you can’t tie knots, all is not lost.

You can even fall from the rope, and you will be caught.

Posted March 27, 2019 by swanatbagend in mental health, reflections

A Grown up Meltdown   Leave a comment

You could say that that’s what I’ve been having since last October.  Maybe it would be wiser to call it a midlife crisis.  Maybe it’s just plain old mental health issues.  Maybe it’s all of the above.

The midlife crisis part has led me to select new clothes including high-heeled boots, leggings and loose sweaters.  Then there’s the make-up I just bought.  Dear reader, I have not worn any make-up for the past twenty years.  My husband has always told me, “If the barn don’t need painting, don’t paint it.”

But, the midlife crisis part of my current situation just bought some make-up.

The meltdown part felt like things were spiraling out of control and that the responsibilities I had were too much.  This article which a friend shared made me think that my being an undiagnosed Aspie was part of the reason I went into a meltdown.

Regardless, you can know for sure that this crisis is why I haven’t blogged at all since October.  Things completely fell apart for a while, and now I’m trying to figure out what happened and why, and how to make it not happen again.

I’m feeling pretty decent today and that’s why I can even write about the subject.  I’ll definitely sit on this blog post for a while before I’m sure that it’s something I can share with my readers.  It’s hard to take the plunge and abandon your writing to the public eye at any point, but even more so when until recently you felt that every blog entry you had ever written was a hypocritical farce.

Such are the joys of overwhelming depression and anxiety.

But, if you’re seeing this, it means I was in a place where I was well enough to formulate my thoughts and put this explanation of my four-month long silence out there.


Posted March 20, 2019 by swanatbagend in mental health

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Parenting Solo   Leave a comment

This phrase usually means without another parent, but for me today it just means on my own in some way.  I am supposed to be able to do this on my own.  Nobody is saying that single parenting is ideal long term, but for the day, week or even a month, if I’m an adult I’m expected to do this crazy hard job myself.  I care for, love, dress feed clothe heal comfort and teach because that’s what parents are expected to do, and rightly so.

But I’m telling my children a story and not in a good way if I make them think I can do it all, I have all the answers within myself, if I live in such a way that my message in our lives is that doing the next thing is all there is.

And honestly they figured that out themselves!  My kids know that I can’t fix their problems or answer their questions on my own.  I have lost track of how many years ago my son told me he knew that I couldn’t do that.  He wasn’t an adult yet, that’s for sure.

I don’t have all the information I need to guide them perfectly.  And even if I did, I certainly wouldn’t have the power to implement it.  I can’t possibly parent solo.

Frankly, I need the gospel in order to do this job at all.

What do I have to offer my kids without it?

Posted March 13, 2019 by swanatbagend in parenting

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