Archive for the ‘help’ Tag

Things We Have to Find a Way to Make Peace with   Leave a comment

Things we have to find a way to make peace with:

Aging.

Our responsibilities to love and care for our children and help them toward adulthood.

Loving our children as they are, not as we imaged they would be or think they should be.

Years ago, before I started through this middle phase of life I thought I knew all these things were important things to accept.  It’s not like I’d never heard about these things.

Now I’m not so sure.  As in I’m not sure I accepted them nor did I know how hard it is to accept things that I can clearly see are right and rational.  Knowing something is true does not cause my mortal mind to accept it and move forward.  I know that I believe it.  I know that it’s true that these realities will happen and unfold around and in me and that they are in fact destined to do so.

But I still don’t truly know how to accept these truths.

That aging will happen, is happening to me and those I love.

(Not easy, still think I’m immortal just like a 10 year old does.)

That I had/have a responsibility to love my children well and help them an appropriate amount as they grown up.

(Not easy, because how the heck do you figure out what is truly needed for each child person you live with and what you’d better not even try?)

That I also have a responsibility to fully accept my children as they are, not as my foolish self thinks they should be.

(And not like I don’t love them and like them as they are, but I wonder if I must not fully accept them as they are, since my brain brings up sentences I could say that start with phrases like, “If you would just try…..,” or “Don’t you think it would be a good idea if you….,” or “Here’s how you….,” when advice is unasked.  Thankfully at least part of the time I don’t say these sentences, and remind myself that the particular thing I’m getting stuck on isn’t truly important.)

The second and third things make a great paradox don’t they?  I hope you noticed I have to make peace with my responsibility for my kids and my not responsibility for my kids.  Where’s the easy 1, 2, 3 step plan for that, please?  Did I miss the instruction manual?

 

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Posted August 14, 2019 by swanatbagend in parenting

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Heart or Help?   2 comments

I used to pray “Dear God, please help me to be patient with my children today even though I’m really tired and feeling depressed” or

“Dear God, help me to get to the end of this to-do list I’ve got to get through”

or “Dear God, help me not to be afraid of this event coming up” or

“Dear God, please help me to reach out to the people around me who need your help.”

I don’t pray that way any more–or, at least, when I find myself doing it again, I stop and do a quick eval to determine if that is really the most effective way of praying about a problem.  Sometimes it is, because don’t get me wrong, obviously what I need, and a lot of the time, is help with a capital H.

However, the problem with asking God to help me was the burden was still on my shoulders even when I was done praying.

If God was helping me, I still had to do the work, it still felt impossible sometimes, I was still in charge of the plan, I was still stewing about the subject.

I finally realized I needed to go far, far beyond asking God to help me.

I don’t need help.  I don’t even need Help, really.  I need Transformation.  (Or would that be TRANSFORMATION!!?–as Manny the mantis chants in one of my favorite movies, A Bug’s Life.)

So now I ask, “God, please drive this fear out” or “God, give me your strength.”

Or most powerful of all, “God, give me your heart for my children.”  Or for the person I’m thinking of, or the people who are frustrating me.

I have found in the short time since I started praying this way that much to my surprise, prayers like this get answered.  I guess it takes the burden off of me and puts it on the one with the power to really get it done?  I guess, maybe, I can’t pull lovey feelings out of a hat?  I don’t know.  I don’t have it, but that is OK, because God is the one with the heart vastly bigger than the universe and all unknown universes.  And when I ask to be made like him, he answers.

Posted October 1, 2015 by swanatbagend in prayer

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