Archive for the ‘peace’ Tag

Things We Have to Find a Way to Make Peace with   Leave a comment

Things we have to find a way to make peace with:

Aging.

Our responsibilities to love and care for our children and help them toward adulthood.

Loving our children as they are, not as we imaged they would be or think they should be.

Years ago, before I started through this middle phase of life I thought I knew all these things were important things to accept.  It’s not like I’d never heard about these things.

Now I’m not so sure.  As in I’m not sure I accepted them nor did I know how hard it is to accept things that I can clearly see are right and rational.  Knowing something is true does not cause my mortal mind to accept it and move forward.  I know that I believe it.  I know that it’s true that these realities will happen and unfold around and in me and that they are in fact destined to do so.

But I still don’t truly know how to accept these truths.

That aging will happen, is happening to me and those I love.

(Not easy, still think I’m immortal just like a 10 year old does.)

That I had/have a responsibility to love my children well and help them an appropriate amount as they grown up.

(Not easy, because how the heck do you figure out what is truly needed for each child person you live with and what you’d better not even try?)

That I also have a responsibility to fully accept my children as they are, not as my foolish self thinks they should be.

(And not like I don’t love them and like them as they are, but I wonder if I must not fully accept them as they are, since my brain brings up sentences I could say that start with phrases like, “If you would just try…..,” or “Don’t you think it would be a good idea if you….,” or “Here’s how you….,” when advice is unasked.  Thankfully at least part of the time I don’t say these sentences, and remind myself that the particular thing I’m getting stuck on isn’t truly important.)

The second and third things make a great paradox don’t they?  I hope you noticed I have to make peace with my responsibility for my kids and my not responsibility for my kids.  Where’s the easy 1, 2, 3 step plan for that, please?  Did I miss the instruction manual?

 

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Posted August 14, 2019 by swanatbagend in parenting

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Perfectly Peaceful   Leave a comment

I wonder if there’s a way to physically feel the perfect security we have in Christ.

Can you remember a time when you were perfectly free from cares, on a vacation perhaps, spending an evening with a close friend or two?  Perhaps just horsing around outside with the kids, living in the moment.

Holding a small, warm, solid baby sends me to a pretty peaceful spot.

Perhaps you feel this way on Sunday morning, or when you’re in the woods by yourself and the only sounds are those of the birds, bugs, and animals, and the wind.

Or maybe for you thinking of feeling perfectly peaceful and safe takes you back to childhood.  You’ve been tucked into bed, and there’s some light coming in from the hall.  You still feel at rest after being warmly hugged and tucked up under the covers.  You can hear your mother and father talking in the kitchen, and the murmur of their voices, backed with running water from dishes or the background noise of the radio playing creates a soporific music that sends you off to sleep.

I’d like to always feel that way, instead of worried, buffeted about by the concerns and stress I face every day.

What would it be like if you could literally feel that physical peace–

knowing that we truly do have that kind of security in Christ?

 

Posted March 12, 2016 by swanatbagend in identity

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Never Enough   Leave a comment

And the rest of the story, aside from the minor inconveniences and hassles that attend any trip–these included the trains that ran past my hotel multiple times during the night, the confusing signage for a major interstate detour that took me on a wild and crazy ride when I was working under a deadline in order to get to the performance of the high school marching band my brother directs, the occasional scratching in the back of my throat and the way my eyes get so watery sometimes in the mornings.  That kind of stuff.  The every day or the drab or even sometimes the ugly stuff.  It did happen; I did experience it.

But it all gets overlaid and washed away by the good things.

Then, often, ravenous as I am, I find the good things are never enough.

I always want more.

More time.

More conversations.

More music.

More opportunities.

More depth.

More hours in the day.

More intimacy.

More cuddling my children and nephews.

More peace. More joy. More love.

I want a way to freeze time in the moments that I cannot get enough of.

Posted October 28, 2015 by swanatbagend in reflections

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