Archive for the ‘problems’ Tag

Parenting Solo   Leave a comment

This phrase usually means without another parent, but for me today it just means on my own in some way.  I am supposed to be able to do this on my own.  Nobody is saying that single parenting is ideal long term, but for the day, week or even a month, if I’m an adult I’m expected to do this crazy hard job myself.  I care for, love, dress feed clothe heal comfort and teach because that’s what parents are expected to do, and rightly so.

But I’m telling my children a story and not in a good way if I make them think I can do it all, I have all the answers within myself, if I live in such a way that my message in our lives is that doing the next thing is all there is.

And honestly they figured that out themselves!  My kids know that I can’t fix their problems or answer their questions on my own.  I have lost track of how many years ago my son told me he knew that I couldn’t do that.  He wasn’t an adult yet, that’s for sure.

I don’t have all the information I need to guide them perfectly.  And even if I did, I certainly wouldn’t have the power to implement it.  I can’t possibly parent solo.

Frankly, I need the gospel in order to do this job at all.

What do I have to offer my kids without it?

Posted March 13, 2019 by swanatbagend in parenting

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Vulnerable   4 comments

When the standard parameters of your life are removed, you instantly realize just how vulnerable you are to the rest of reality, how vulnerable you are to the problems that those other people out there face.

The job my husband had and the income it generated were like the sun and moon to me, predictable, normal, usual, a relied upon framework for the rest of our business and our lives.  It did not occur to either one of us, for a variety of reasons which we now realize were a bit naive, that he would ever be laid off.  He was.  He was one of the people let go in a RIF last month.  If you had asked me six weeks ago what problem we might face next, being laid off would not have been on any potential list.

Getting that phone call from my husband at 8:30 on a Monday morning changed my framework.

All of a sudden we were the ones who did not have an income.  We were the ones who did not have ongoing medical coverage.  He was the one who did not have an office to go to and a routine to follow, nor a cell phone nor a laptop to transact business on.

I have had problems before, but they were other kinds of problems, chronic issues that I’d gotten used to dealing with.  When a big life stress like this one comes along, besides realizing that you are not invulnerable, you see that whatever you said you believed about the faithfulness of God suddenly becomes immensely more urgent and more practical.

We had a really great job for over twelve years.  It provided for our needs in amazing ways all that time.  It was wonderful.

But it was never guaranteed.  It didn’t belong to us any more than any thing ethereal or material belongs to us, nor could we make it keep happening.

We belong to God not the other way round.

We belong to God, and he can do what he wants with our plans and our money and our lives.  He made us and not we ourselves.

We belong to God, and he is good, and he is faithful.

Posted October 14, 2017 by swanatbagend in identity

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